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Rose never thought her 6th year could be this hard,
or different from the others, but it absolutely was.

Episode seventeen of Library 34. It is fascinating to me that someone wrote this and thought "Yes. This is romance." Apart from that, this story is minefield, with "cosine" instead of cousin, "earthier" instead of either and, my favourite, "body gourde" instead of bodyguard. This is why i should never be an English teacher; I would spend too much time laughing.

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Posted February 26th, 2015
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Hourly Comics - February 1
















Hourly Comics from February 1st.

Tags: snow, drawing, jakob burrows stole our idea, buffy dream, cynisism, broken computer, signal hella boosted, couch, silence, landline, police.

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Posted February 19th, 2015
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The snow queen and the horse prince

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Episode sixteen of Library 34: "when a mysterious man saves Elsa and Anna it sets off a chain of events that no one saw coming.(hopefully)" Reading this was quite a challenge, not because of the content, but because it's one of those stories you open and then you slowly take off your glasses, dazed by the sheer amount of text squashed together with not a paragraph break of period in sight.

This is the longest episode so far and somewhere in the process of editing I finally realized that it's probably pretty stupid to start a podcast that tries its hardest to get you to stop listening. This is a masochistic show that basically goes "hey come drip your brain into this vat of liquid nitrogen with me". Oh well, it's too late to back out now. I know some of you listen. I know some of you understand.

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Posted February 5th, 2015
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Puckodum

Already I've given frightening insight into the insane stories I used to write when I was ten years old, but I hope you're prepared to fall even deeper down this rabbit hole! You can brush up by reading those earlier posts if you like, but basically it was a Pokémon parody starring a moose called "älgen Moose". His first name wasn't capitalized because he was never baptised.

Here below I have scanned and reproduced one of these books. Half the page was meant for writing and the other half for drawing, but since I often had a pretty minimalist approach to the text portion I went through these little orange books at a frightening pace. The text is Swedish but I've put translations below each page. Translation notes are marked as [TN].

Don't expect it to make sense, and know that älgen is a bit of an antihero. Partly this is because these stories come from the same brain that cut obituaries out of the newspaper and invented a game where the highest age wins; but it's also partly because I played Pokémon Red and Silver all the time and was upset that you couldn't join the bad guys. There was even a point in the game where the criminals ask you to join them and there wasn't even an option to say yes! Upsetting!

You should also know that älgen hung out with this very powerful Puckodum called "Mewduck" who was like Mew but... a duck. This Puckodum could do anything but rarely assisted älgen in evil because it was too kind hearted. (Except yeah it looks like Mewduck exploded a guy down there on page 22.)

ÄLGEN: Hi
CAPTION: This is älgen. He is ten years old.

LEFT CAPTION: Some background info. Everything started at the New Moose hospital.
DOCTOR: No, not again! [TN: This was maybe the fourth time I rebooted the story from scratch.]
RIGHT CAPTION: Älgen and his brother, älgen, are born.

LEFT CAPTION: Their first explosion but not their last...
[TN: The pig they were pulling apart on the previous page was a bomb I guess?]
ÄLGEN: Hm, how does this thing work?
RIGHT CAPTION: The problems continue...

LEFT CAPTION: And continue...
RIGHT CAPTION: Until they end (unhappily).
ÄLGEN: Now I know. This was fun.

LEFT CAPTION: Älgen went to a Puckodum school.
[TN: So like the teacher who is called "Mrs Lunch Lady" asks what the Puckodum on the screen is and both the students get it wrong. Hilarious. Their answers are "stone" and "stick" which are actual Puckodum, but they are still wrong.]
RIGHT CAPTION: Today they're getting their first Puckodum. Älgen chose...

LEFT CAPTION: ...None! Because they ran out.
ÄLGEN: D'oh!
RIGHT CAPTION: But at least he got a Puckodex.

LEFT CAPTION: But out in the tall grass he found a Puckodum!
RIGHT CAPTION: Älgen threw a schoolball at the duck and it worked!!

LEFT CAPTION: Not! Älgen ran after it.
RIGHT CAPTION: Someone else caught the duck.

LEFT CAPTION: Älgen went to Lake of Rage
ÄLGEN: A guy stole my Puckodum
LANCE: do you need help
RIGHT CAPTION: Älgen got to borrow a Puckodum.

LEFT CAPTION: The guy who took the duck was from Rocket Head so älgen went to one of their bases.
RIGHT CAPTION: He got to the top floor with Igura who was a strong because... älgen hadn't trained it.

LEFT CAPTION: On the top floor he met Givony
GIVONY: Yo.
ÄLGEN: Yo.
RIGHT CAPTION: Älgen agreed to join Team Rock Head.
ÄLGEN: Okay, but only if I get to hurt people...

LEFT CAPTION: Älgen got back the duck, who was called Mewduck, and it decided to come with älgen
RED BOX: The one who caught Mewduck.
RIGHT CAPTION: Then the guy from Lake of Rage showed up but älgen scrammed with a jet pack [TN: actually I called it a "getpack" which translates as "goat pack". It's a pun, sort of.]

Okay so that is exactly half of one of these books. I might post the other half in the future but either way I think you get the idea. This was probably one of the later books because it is has a certain style and rhythm that was lacking in my earlier work, where the text was usually long and rambling rather than short and snappy. To finish off, here are some sneak peeks of the rest of this book:

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Posted January 29th, 2015
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Cursed

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"Rose gets cursed. Can she be saved?"

This week on Library 34 we're diving into the swamp that is "next generation" Harry Potter fanfiction; stories revolving around the adventures of Harry Potter & co's children. This is a love story starring Rose Weasley and Scorpius Malfoy, written by someone who probably liked The Fault In Our Stars quite a lot. Credit for finding this gem must go to the Epically Bad Fanfiction tumblr, where I scooped it up.

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Posted January 22nd, 2015
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Hourly Comics - January 1
















Hourly Comics from January 1st.

Tags: roadies, drunk gig, very confusing guest comics, spellbinder, ashka, watching me watching you, video editing, mapp and lucia, bitter.

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Posted January 15th, 2015
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What Darkness Conceals

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This week in Library 34 I'm reading "A story of courage, love, and the ancient battle of good versus evil..." It's a Whose Line Is It Anyway / Buffy the Vampire Slayer fusion. Basically Colin Mochrie is a Vampire Slayer and the Whose Line crew are his Scoobies. This story is pretty well written but it deserves a place in the library just for its absurd brilliance.

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Posted January 8th, 2015
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Bryggor

Regular readers might know that my camera got run over by a car a year and a half ago. I can't complain too much since I was in the car at the time, but regardless it led to me shooting a lot less video and taking zero pictures for a while. Then, for my birthday early last year, I got one of those fancy new-fangled phones with a camera inside it? So I started taking pictures.

I'm writing this late on the first of January, still feeling worn out from last night when me and two friends rocked and/or rolled in a barn for a pretty large number of people. So I was planning on taking today off and not posting anything - even though it is a Thursday - but in a last minute flip-flop I pulled together some pictures in order to present you with my 2014. As you can see I spent most of the year staring at water and ice and bryggor.

These pictures are unedited. Because you don't edit pictures you take on your phone.

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Posted January 1st, 2015
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Library 34 - Christmas Special

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Library 34 comes early this week to help you get into the holiday spirit! In this Christmas special we bring you not one - not two - but THREE Christmas stories!

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Posted December 22nd, 2014
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Not About The Dreams

PLAYLISP mashup of You Make My Dreams (Hall & Oates), Hey Boy (Teddybears STHLM), Price Tag (Jessie J), Started From The Bottom (Drake), When I Look In Your Eyes (The Romantics) and One For You, One For Me (Bright Eyes). Hey check out the new WWW.PLAYLISP.COM and also let me know if it crashes your browser/computer/MIND?

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Posted December 18th, 2014
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How Much Is That Doggie In The Window (Part 2)

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Episode twelve of Library 34, in which Severus Snape is still a dog. This episode covers chapters 4-7 of "How Much Is That Doggie In The Window", including the exciting conclusion! Listen to part one first.

"Josef Gruse. A renowned animal collector, known the world over for his cruelty to animals, dogs in particular. It was rumoured that the man liked to ‘play’ with dogs, before castrating them and leaving them to die or feeding them to his more exotic pets."

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Posted December 10th, 2014
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