Library 34 - Terrible Fanfiction Brought To Life

Wtf is this?

Library 34 is a podcast where we turn terrible fanfiction into terrible radio. Don't ask why.

Well if you DID ask us why we'd say that reading these stories is like flossing your brain. Or bleaching it, maybe. It's like that pale blue dot thing that Mr Sagan was always on about. Join us in gazing into the eye of the storm; the eye of madness. Let us pass through this darkness together and emerge, having changed.

Updates every other Thursday.




#18 - A Delorean inside of Hogwarts !

Marty has to save Doc but then hell breaks loose when the Delorean
breaks through the magical barrier that protects Hogwarts!

Most Back to the Future fics are just Marty and Doc screwing their way through time and space – or they're pretty abusive depictions of Marty/Biff (any incarnation). This is something rather different...

Published March 12, 2015
[link to this episode]

#17 - Times change People do to

Rose never thought her 6th year could be this hard,
or different from the others, but it absolutely was.

It is fascinating to me that someone wrote this and thought "Yes. This is romance." Apart from that, this story is minefield, with "cosine" instead of cousin, "earthier" instead of either and, my favourite, "body gourd" instead of bodyguard. This is why i should never be an English teacher; I would spend too much time laughing.

Published February 26, 2015
[link to this episode]

#16 - The snow queen and the horse prince

when a mysterious man saves Elsa and Anna it sets off
a chain of events that no one saw coming.(hopefully)

Reading this was quite a challenge, not because of the content, but because it's one of those stories you open and then you slowly take off your glasses, dazed by the sheer amount of text squashed together with not a paragraph break of period in sight.

This is the longest episode so far and somewhere in the process of editing I finally realized that it's probably pretty stupid to start a podcast that tries its hardest to get you to stop listening. This is a masochistic show that basically goes "hey come drip your brain into this vat of liquid nitrogen with me". Oh well, it's too late to back out now. I know some of you listen. I know some of you understand.

Published February 5, 2015
[link to this episode]

#15 - Cursed

Rose gets cursed. Can she be saved?

This week we're diving into the swamp that is "next generation" Harry Potter fanfiction; stories revolving around the adventures of Harry Potter & co's children. This is a love story starring Rose Weasley and Scorpius Malfoy, written by someone who probably liked The Fault In Our Stars quite a lot. Credit for finding this gem must go to the Epically Bad Fanfiction tumblr, where I scooped it up.

Published January 22, 2015
[link to this episode]

#14 - What Darkness Conceals

A story of courage, love, and the ancient battle of good versus evil...

This week I'm reading a Whose Line Is It Anyway / Buffy the Vampire Slayer fusion. Basically Colin Mochrie is a Vampire Slayer and the Whose Line crew are his Scoobies. This story is pretty well written but it deserves a place in the library just for its absurd brilliance.

Published January 8, 2015
[link to this episode]

#13 - Christmas Special

Library 34 comes early this week to help you get into the holiday spirit! In this Christmas special we bring you not one - not two - but THREE Christmas stories!

All I Want for Christmas is You
"What is it you wish for Yule?" "I want my Papa," Bilbo answers in a soft voice.

Christmas Cookies
It's the principle of the matter. (Orlando Bloom/Viggo Mortensen)

Under The Mistletoe
A Christmas party at Stan's house brings a much wanted reunion of two childhood enemies.

Published December 22, 2014
[link to this episode]

#12 - How Much Is That Doggie In The Window (Part 2)

"Josef Gruse. A renowned animal collector, known the world over for his cruelty to animals, dogs in particular. It was rumoured that the man liked to ‘play’ with dogs, before castrating them and leaving them to die or feeding them to his more exotic pets."

This episode covers chapters 4-7, including the exciting conclusion! Listen to part one first.

Published December 10, 2014
[link to this episode]

#11 - How Much Is That Doggie In The Window

"Fleas?! Now I’m getting fleas from that little flea-bag! I thought this thing you put on me was supposed to be a flea collar! I’d spit if I could make these canine lips work! Stupid Muggle pound! Can’t even change back ‘til the Muggles leave. Bloody ridiculous spot I’m in." - Severus Snape

This episode covers chapters 1-3.

Published November 27, 2014
[link to this episode]

#10 - Sun Glory For Mankind

"Jafar's brother comes into the night and steals the Sultan's toys. The Sultan then commences suicide, and Genie tells Aladdin that he must go on a journey without Abu, Carpet, Jasmine, or the Genie himself."

Published November 13, 2014
[link to this episode]

#9 - Anna

"Really good story, please review. It's about Hermione taking a philosophy class and getting to know a girl named Anna, who has epilepsy. (Better than it sounds). Seizure in chapter two. Yes, it is a lot like God's NOT Dead the movie later but just deal with it. Lots of OC."

This story is listed as a Bible / Harry Potter crossover.

Published October 30, 2014
[link to this episode]